A loss of control
by Jerstad
Summary: There is nothing more poetically beautiful than watching a man that possesses full control become unhinged. Elena and Elijah share a moment the day after Esther s spell fails.


**A/N: This is my first fan fiction ever, so please be nice, but please be honest too. I have always loved writing, but I have never let anyone else read my stories, so here it goes. **  
><strong>Also, English is not my first language, so I apologise in advance for any mistakes.<strong>

**Thank you, and enjoy! :)  
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><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.<strong>

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><p>She closes the door to her room, and slumps against it. She looks so tired right now, her eyes closed and resting all her weight on the door. It looks like she is collecting strength so she can make it to the bed.<br>When she finally pushes away from the door, she takes heavy steps towards her bed and falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow. Elena seems fully drained of all her energy as she succumbs to sleep never noticing him where he is sitting against the wall on her floor, with his legs drawn to his chest making himself small.

Elijah has been sitting there for a while now, wondering when Elena would come home so they could talk. What he did not expect was for her to be too tiered to even notice him being there.  
>The fact that she did not notice could also has something to do with the fact that he is sitting on the floor, and not in his usual place by the window.<p>

He watches carefully as her chest rise and fall in time with every intake and exhale of air through her lungs, he watches as she carefully moves in her sleep while making small snoring noises, and it calms him.

He has been on edge the whole time since he left Elena in that cave with his sister, he feels guilt for putting her through that just to keep his family safe. He could have found another way, he could have done something different. She´s suffered enough at the hands of his family, and yet he just had to put her through a little more, as if she had not been through enough.

He feels truly and utterly ashamed for his actions against an innocent girl who has done nothing to deserve this fate that has been stowed upon her. This beautiful young woman who has captivated his soul, who enchants him with her beauty, her kindness and her willingness to do anything for those she loves. He watches her chest and lets her small snoring noises lull him to sleep. He will talk with her when she wakes, he needs to try to explain, he needs her to understand why he did it, he needs her forgiveness.

He is half awake and half asleep against the wooden wall of her bedroom. His keeps his eyes closed and uses his hearing to listen when Elena suddenly stirs against the warmth of the sunlight shining through her window. He hears her when she pushes up from the bed, and takes a cupel of steps in his direction. He can only imagine the look on her face when she suddenly pauses and stops dead in her tracks and just stares at the man in her room.

«Elijah?» She whispers, her voice full of confusion.

Elijah can hear the confusion as clear as day, and since he still has his eyes closed he imagines her beautiful face with a small frown in her forehead all the while never taking her brown eyes of his body.  
>He tentatively opens his eyes and sees his imagination is correct indeed. There she stands in the clothes from yesterday with her face full of confusion and bewilderment.<p>

«I´m sorry. I was waiting for you here yesterday, but you went straight to bed» he offers as an explanation while watching her every reaction to his words.

«Oh, I didn't notice you when I got home, I felt like I was dead on my feet» she says with a little quirk of her lips before she continues «but that does not explain why you were here yesterday and why you are still here?» She ask, her face showing the confusion he can hear in her voice.  
>He feels a bit relived it´s only confusion he hears instead of anger or resentment.<p>

«I came to talk and apologise to you, but when I saw how tired you were and how you did not notice me, I stayed silent and let you go to bed.» He says eying her carefully while letting his words sink in until he explains further «As for why I am still here, I fell asleep.» Elijah says and lets his lips quirk a little. While it is true that he did fall asleep, he does not tell her that seeing her sleep made him so comfortable that he himself fell asleep sitting on the floor. Neither does he tell her that her little snoring noises and her peaceful breathing had lulled him in to that sleep. The memory of watching her sleep is what is playing through his mind while he waits for her response.

«Yeah» she says then suddenly pauses and takes a big breath « I guess we have a lot to talk about» she finishes, her voice suddenly laced with hurt, like her brain has just woken up and is playing yesterdays events in her mind to be reminded of what he did. She lets her mask fall for a second, and he sees the different emotions playing on her face. Hurt, disappointment and sadness are the strongest among them, and the second she puts on her mask again his heart fills with this unbelievable guilt again. He lets the guilt show in his eyes before he casts his head down in shame and stares at the floor.

« I came to offer an explanation and apologise» Elijah says while looking up from the floor and straight into Elena´s beautiful brown eyes. «I cannot express how truly sorry I am for what I put you through yesterday.» he says willing her to see the emotions playing across his face and hear the honesty in his words. «I did what I had to do to protect the thing I value most. My family»  
>Elijah takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself before continuing, «but I am sorry that I had to use you to do that, I honestly had no other option. I used you to get the Salvatores to help my case knowing they would do anything possible so nothing would happen to you, and for that I am sorry.» Elijah says trembling slightly in his words because of all the emotions he´d let slip into his apology.<br>The shame he feels is so strong, almost too strong. He does not understand why, but whenever he feels something that has a connection to Elena, it tenfolds. Which is weird because his emotions are already ten folded by his vampirism, but around Elena it tenfolds again. He feels so strongly whenever he is around her, and it´s no different now. He can already feel his resolve breaking and his feelings running wild.

There is a long pause before Elena finally draws a long breath and responds to his apology.  
>«I can understand why you did what you did, Elijah. I would probably have done the same in your situation» she says and Elijah focuses all of his attention on watching the emotions play across her face as she talks.<br>«I can´t say that I´m not mad or disappointed to be used as a pawn yet again in a game I did not want to be part of, but I can honestly say that I understand why you did what you did» she finishes and lets her emotions show, just for him.  
>He sees anger, hurt, disappointment and defeat which does nothing but bring his guilt forth again, and instead of hiding it, he lets it show for her to see, so she can see how much this is eating away at him all the while feeling his resolve crumple a little more than it already has.<br>He lets her have it all, for the first time in almost a thousand years he lets all of his resolve go, and show her everything.

Tears are slowly forming in his eyes, and his vision of Elena suddenly gets very blurry form the tears that threaten to fall, just as he feels the veins under his eyes show he casts his head down, looking at the floor again. He knew Elena had been watching the entire thing, he just hoped to god that she did not become frighten of him again because of his resolve cracking.  
>He could hear Elena move in a hurry coming to a kneeling position in front of him stretching out her perfect hand to touch his cheek, stroking it with her thumb.<p>

«Elijah» she says with a mixture of fright and shock in her voice, while trying to get him to look at her, yet he keeps looking at the floor trying to compose himself with deep breathing. Nothing seems to work. So instead of trying to do anything to compose himself he lifts his head to show her exactly how much he regrets his actions.  
>He watches her emotions switch from fright, to shock, then to amazement, and then stopping at a mixture of amazement and concern.<p>

With his vision still blurry and the veins still showing under his eyes, he whispers the only words that come to mind right now. «I am sorry. I am so, so sorry, Elena» Then casting his head down again to hide his disturbing face.

Elena´s hands feels so gentle against his cheek, and he automatically leans against it for comfort, event though he knows he does not deserve it.  
>He draws comfort from the girl he should be comforting and apologising fiercely to. He draws comfort from the girl who less than a minute ago showed defeat in her eyes. He draws comfort from the girl he wishes he did not feel so strongly for. He draws comfort from the girl who has crawled inside his heart where she´s built a beautiful home for herself.<p>

«Elijah, please look at me» Elena pleads gently with a slight tremble in her voice.  
>Elijah hesitantly looks up from his spot on the floor into the most beautiful brown eyes he has ever seen in his entire life, eyes that are still beautiful now when they are filled with unshed tears.<br>He feels unbelievably vulnerable sitting here letting all of his emotions run on their own free will.

«It´s okay, Elijah. It´s going to be okay» Elena repeats offering comfort all the while running her eyes over his face and stroking her thumb over his cheek.

Elijah takes calming breaths in hopes of finding his emotionless mask again. Nobody has ever seen him this way, an icy feeling suddenly runs down his spine for showing her this. He needs to calm himself, he needs to put the emotionless mask on again.  
>He takes a long breath and holds it in a little in hopes of calming himself just a little bit. After doing this Elena suddenly takes his whole face in both of her hands and brings his focus back to her again.<p>

«No, Elijah. Do not hide from me» she says firmly while holding his blurry gaze with her firm one.  
>He can not fathom why she would want him to stay this way. He should be comforting her, not the other way around. So puzzled by her demand he suddenly whispers «Why?» all the while looking straight into her eyes.<br>She looks at him with so much care and comfort he feels another wave of tears threatening to fall, but he grinds his teeth and pushes the tears back while waiting patiently for her answer.

«Because you are beautiful like this. Raw with emotion, raw and vulnerable» she says determent and brutally honest like it was the most obvious answer in the whole world.  
>Frozen at her answer he looks long into her eyes, as if looking for her dishonesty, but he see none. He only sees the honest look in her eyes that tells him she actually think this side of him is beautiful. Puzzled, he murmurs «Beautiful?»<p>

«Yeah, you are beautiful like this. There is something poetically beautiful about seeing a man that possesses complete control become unhinged.» Elena says with a small, shy smile.

«Beautiful?» Elijah murmurs again gazing intently at her.

Elena only smiles at him, tips her head slightly to the side studying him more intently before moving her thumbs to trace the veins still showing under his eyes. He takes his time studying her amazement before lifting his hands up an take a firm hold around her wrists, but does no further move to remover her hands from his face.  
>He studies her face as she traces her thumb gently against each vein that is showing, before she suddenly leans forward on her toes and kisses him under each eye. Shocked out of his senses, he stays perfectly still as she does this. Amazed at her action and the feelings that action brings forth, he stays perfectly still while his emotions jump into high gear again and he gets this sudden urge to just kiss her senseless.<p>

He uses all his strength to let her do this, but at the third kiss on his veins comes, he pulls his hands from her wrists to cup her face. Shocked at his sudden movement she stops kissing him and looks varily into his eyes. He holds her gaze a little longer before his eyes start flickering back and forth from her lips to her eyes. The tension is thick as he slowly leans forward and presses his lips carefully onto hers.

Elena freezes for a moment until she grabs him hard behind his head, threading her fingers in his soft hair, and pulls. She pulls him hard against her lips, leaving no doubt in his mind that she feels this as intently as he does.

He feels like he is soaring right now, the girl of his dream is kissing him as fiercely as he is kissing her. His emotion are running wild and he desperately wishes this kiss would never end.  
>His wishes are not heard as Elena suddenly pulls aways from his mouth to look him directly in the eyes «Wow» she says smiling brightly before gently pulling him in for another kiss. She kisses her way from his mouth to his cheeks, and up to his veins again. He is about to go crazy when she suddenly leaps up in his lap and moves her kissing to his throat. He growls when she gently nips at his skin before softening the blow with at perfect open mouthed kiss.<br>He growls again before grabbing her by the hips and grounding her hard agains his arousal.

When she gently starts nipping at his throat again, he leans his head a little to the side to give her better access, he is so lost in the feeling of her grounding against him and her kisses on his throat, that he almost doesn't know how to respond for a second. He suddenly gets to his senses and wraps an arm around Elena´s waist and pulls her more roughly to him before he threads his fingers through her hair, pulling her head up to kiss her senseless once again. He hears her small whimpering sounds and feels himself go harder as a result.  
>He can´t help the possessiveness that comes over him, he wants her all to himself, he is a selfish man, and he does not share, so when the Salvatore brothers suddenly comes to mind, he halts his hard kisses, and switches to chaste kisses, witch Elena notice before breaking away from his mouth to look at him.<p>

«What?» she asks breathlessly while watching him with such lustfull eyes it´s hard for him to think straight. Just the though that she is looking that way because of him sends a shiver down his spine.

Elijah smiles gently before he pushes a strand of hair behind her eyes.  
>«Before we go down this road, I need you to know that I do not share, Elena. Not now, not ever.» he says with a rough voice which shows her how much he truly means every word.<p>

«Good, because neither do I» she says and takes his head in her hands and stares intently into his eyes.

«What about your Salvatore brothers?» Elijah asks gently while watching her face for some sort of sign as to show if she still holds hope that it´s going to be her and one of the brothers.

Elena smiles wickedly, shrugs her shoulders and says «What brothers?» before leaning inn to capture his lips in a mind-blowing kiss.

**FIN.  
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><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading my story. I really hope it does not suck!<br>Please leave a ****review and tell me what you think :)**

**Thank you!**


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